Hotsprings! Part 2

Tony and I found a quiet little pool and Tony set the backpack down at the edge.  I flung my clothes off and turned, standing naked in the sunshine, grinning at Tony.  Tony eyed me, took a deep breath and said “Ok, here we go Val”, and he kicked his shoes off, pulled is pants down and peeled off this shirt.  I squealed with delight, jumped towards him and hugged his naked body.

We slipped into the pool and the water was wonderful.  It cascaded down the rocks all around us and we splashed around and enjoyed the feeling.

There were three women in the next pool down from us and despite the gurgling and splashing of the water, we could hear their conversation quite easily.  At one point, one of women stood up from their pool, naked body glistening in the sun and she called to us, “excuse me, is either one of you guys an Outlander fan?”

I had to admit that the Netflix series was a guilty pleasure of mine.  “Yes,” I replied, “although I haven’t seen all of Season 5”

“Isn’t Jamie Fraser so much dreamier than Gabriel from Emily in Paris?”  The woman called to us.

“Melissa!  Please!”  One of the other women in Melissa’s pool protested.

“Ten times more dreamy!”  I called back.  Tony looked across at me, a bit surprised that I was having such casual chit chat across the rocks with a naked woman.  As we were debating the finer points of the show, it became hard to hear everything across the sound of the water and I lifted myself out of our pool and scampered across the rocks and joined Melissa’s pool.  

After a few minutes, I called back to Tony, to come join us.  He only waved his hand at me, gesturing me to come back to our pool.  After fifteen minutes I said goodbye to Melissa and her friends.  Most of the day was like this.  We watched groups of bathers going from pool to pool, mixing and mingling and meeting each other.  At one point I got up and out of our pool and tried to coax Tony out to go explore some of the other pools, but he just wouldn’t budget.  

“I love our little pool.”  He kept explaining to me.

Toward the end of our visit, a much larger group had assembled in the pool down from us and I was invited once more to join them.  Half a dozen people, boys and girls and there was a much older couple too in that group.  I thought Tony might have felt awkward about getting into the pool with Melissa and her friends, being the only boy, so I thought I would try again this time.  I went over into the other pool and tried to have Tony come, and he still wouldn’t budge.

During the car trip home, I wanted to be grateful and show my appreciation to Tony for trying so hard for me.  I talked about how wonderful the experience had been, but he seemed to just get more upset.

“I’m glad you had a great time Val.”  He finally admitted, “But I didn’t know when we would get naked that you would become interested in everyone but me.”

“Tony, don’t be like that.”  I begged him.  “Of course I was excited to be with you, its just that for me, nudity is a social thing - I mean, that is the Social part of Social Nudity.  I just wanted you to be social with me.”

“But you had to keep jumping up and showing off your body, and you kept wandering around to be close to the other naked people, it was strange for me.”  He protested.  “I thought we were fine just being together, but obviously, you’re not interested in that.”

The discussion just went downhill from there and we argued with each other the whole way back to Pasadena.  What should have been such a wonderful first experience turned into the first real argument that Tony and I had.

For the rest of the weekend, we just didn’t talk about the hot springs, or nudity.  We just tried to go back to being Tony and Val.  I kept wondering, did I do something wrong?  Should I have been better and more understanding?  Tony is such a wonderful, loving partner in so many ways.  He is smart, thoughtful, caring, a great listener - really a dream to be with except for this one thing, this one silly little thing that I find so important.  

Looking back on the day it became clear to me, when I get naked around others, he becomes possessive and suspicious.  It’s the only way I can explain his behavior.  He still sees me as a sexual object when I am naked, and he can’t think of me in a non-sexual way.  We talked about this when we first met, I explained my values and what being naked means to me, but in practice, when he sees me naked in front of others, everything I said fades away and all he sees is sexual property he has to protect.  On the flight back to Houston I looked out the window and wondered how long it would take Tony to change.  How long would it take him to re-wire himself, and is it even possible for him to change at all?